There were lots of young families at the hotel last week and I noticed a clear pattern throughout my stay there. We admonish children for things they’ve done, or lecture that they “shouldn’t do” things they might. Far less often do we talk to them about the positives: “if you do this/behave this way then something good may happen”. I make this point as an observation, not as a judgement - I would have been just as ‘guilty’ when my children were at that age.
The stresses, strains and fatigue that sometimes accompany raising young children make parents’ reactions like this almost inevitable; even the perfect parent would fall into this habit occasionally.
I think that almost identical dynamics are at play in the workplace. All companies/departments/teams go through phases (some longer than others…) giving predominantly negative feedback and over-use of the past tense, and not enough positivity on why and how great things can be achieved. Like when raising youngsters, this will normally be triggered by stressful periods, in the world of work that could be difficult projects, relationship problems with colleagues/clients, workload issues, company culture aspects, etc. Of course it is important to learn from our mistakes - arguably this is the best way to learn - but even more important to ensure that feedback is delivered with the intent to create learning, and not to belittle, not as a power play, nor simply so you feel better for having ranted.
Good constructive feedback is an art form. It creates a ‘journey’ for the individual receiving it that starts with awareness of now, continues with getting clarity on future expectations, and joins these dots with a series of ‘stepping stones’ to enable and empower the individual to move away from the ‘now’ and enthusiastically move towards the future.
Done well, feedback will leave the individual feeling respected, supported and valued, as well as giving them confidence to head into the short/medium term. Get it wrong though, and you will cause more damage than the negative that prompted you to give the feedback. Which brings me to the final point: you don't have to wait for a negative before providing feedback. 😀
I try to meet with, virtually or in person, lots of my business and coaching contacts, and I find this an effective way of keeping up to date with the latest relevant issues. It also helps to ‘ground’ me and encourage me to check in with my own work and approach. Along the way I have lots of discussions about leadership which inevitably entails wildly differing views and opinions.
Out of the proliferation of remote work during and after COVID, a new challenge for organisations has emerged: many important skills are not easily, or cannot be, nurtured through screens. In the traditional office environment, the subtle yet powerful process of learning osmotically plays a critical role. Leaders model behaviours, and employees, often subconsciously, absorb crucial skills such as adaptability, emotional intelligence, and intuitive decision-making. Even resilience can be enhanced through witnessing other people’s coping mechanisms.
Reflecting on what I feel makes a leader truly great, I realise that leadership is generally misunderstood. It should not be about rank or authority;